Straight Silver

Yowza.

I left you on Saturday night after a tiring day with my lady Sasha Cane. You can imagine just how tiring it was.

So, Sunday I spent most of the day downloading typefaces for mine and Adam’s new project. I have a slight obsession with fonts and typefaces, I’m not really sure why but I can’t get enough of them and I only need a small excuse to download tons of them. So yeah, I got loads of them and spent ages typing out the same word in different fonts, then finding I preferred a font I already owned. Damn interesting stuff I know. Well I achieved nothing and decided to spend my only day off sulking in bed on my pc and drinking mass amounts of tea.

Yesterday I received a years worth of banks statements in the post or so I thought. You see I am officially registered as a self employed model so that the lovely tax man can take a slice of my supposedly huge earnings (I wish). So I ripped open the statements which were over a week overdue and discovered they were the wrong ones. Thanks Lloyds, I own your ass now, you nationalised cunts. It was almost closing time so I ran down there. Yes I ran, literally. My daily keep fit seems to be paying off. I spent 20mins in there as the grim faced employee printed off reams and reams of paper, all the while scowling at me. fuck her.

So I sat down in the evening and went through my finances. It made for rather disturbing reading at first. However once I realised that my income and outgoings matched, I felt a little relieved. So I’m not in debt, I just have no savings. Not sure how much I owe the tax man but I’m gonna run down the tax office tomorrow and grab the form. Why do I leave these things to the last minute?

I managed to find Escort yesterday and the pics look totally sweet. Apparently I’m 19 and I can’t stop having orgasms. It also says me and my boyfriend experiment every night (not far from the truth) and that he did me up the arse for the first time the other day (entirely untrue, it was shortly after we started dating). Today I managed to find Sport reader’s Wives which was equally as fun. This time I’m 22 and from Bolton, Lancashire. Not sure what I think about that, these magazines always seem to have a problem with printing that I’m from Yorkshire. One minute it’s Newcastle, next it’s Bolton?? Weird. For the record I was born in Sheffield, South Yorkshire. The Sport also mentions I have a boyfriend called Vincent which sounds hilarious to me, cool as fuck.

Today I went for my certs doing. Let me explain. Every month in the adult industry we have to be tested for STI’s. Then we have a certificate printed up with the results, if they are all negative, we can safely work with others. If they are positive, we cannot work until the infection clears up/is treated. This procedure can be very complicated for several reasons. Firstly, a lot of so called open minded GUM clinics will not test people in the adult industry, the ones which are specific to people in the industry tend to charge for the privilege, and they tend to have high prices (120 qid to be told your cocks not gonna rot off?). So you have found somewhere you can be tested. It’s only going to cost £30. Excellent, now what? Well, the you have to go in and repeatedly explain to everyone you speak to that no, you don’t have symptoms, yes, you do go every month, it’s because you are in the adult industry. Phew. Then you have a couple of needles jabbed in your arm for the blood test before finally laying back and having what I can only describe as the giant metal dildo thing shoved up there and several swabs taken. Great. On the plus side, they can never give you enough condoms and lube, which can never be a bad thing. And in amongst all the dried up old weird people who only work at GUM cos it’s the only glimpse of naked flesh they’ll ever see, are some thoroughly pleasant and entertaining people who really make the whole freakish but necessary experience a pleasure.

And finally, I have been reading myself to sleep with Calvin and Hobbes’ treasuries. Until next time, have fun keep warm drink tea.

x x